Lusus Naturae

Cause of Death? Turning 30

2011-11-16T16:37:00.002+11:00

In 4 months I’m going to turn 30. That’s right, 30! I do hope that 2012 is going to be the year and everything turns to shit. I don’t want to face a world that I’m considered to be an old hag in it. Like I’m not an outsider enough, I have to be an old one too. Fuck that shit. No offense to the thirty years olds and all, but I mean come on, I’m sure you had similar thoughts going through your head when you were about to turn 30 as well… Don’t deny it, there is no use. I know…..oh god I know….

When I watch TV shows, I like to calculate how old those characters were supposed to be when they started the show. (Because I’m weird like that and I enjoy torturing myself) Take ‘Friends’ for example. These guys were supposed to be 24 (or in their mid-twenties) when they started the show. About 5 years younger than me. In order for me to ‘catch up’ with them I need to fast forward 3 to 4 seasons. And when they are finally my age – Joey goes all crazy at the episode ‘the one they all turn thirty’ and yells ‘why god why???!!’ the morning of his 30^th birthday…. I’m very close to the season that Chandler and Monica hook up and the show starts to suck. What I’m trying to say here is that I’m past my season….And I’m about to start sucking….big time!

In music, I have passed the age that Metallica produced their last GOOD metal album (black album) and I’m heading towards load, reload and…… *shivers* ‘st anger’….

In writing, I have passed the time that Steven King wrote his best seller ‘Carrie’ and by my age Bret Easton Ellis had already wrote three books, among them ‘American Psycho’ and ‘Less than Zero’. I should be happy if I end up writing children books like Madonna.

Metallica back in the good old days

So instead of enjoying my last year of being in my twenties, I decided instead to obsess over the fact that I won’t be able to produce a black album, (I can’t even play that guitar but it’s the principle behind it, damn it!) I will end up with some funny guy (wait a minute…..) I will write about the adventures of the naughty little duckling when I’m 45 (at best) and my life will start slowly but surely fading away till I die from a vicious alligator’s bite while accidently taking the wrong turn to get to my place. (I live in Australia after all, no one dies from natural causes here) Or even worse, one day I will simple die from utter boredom. And people will say ‘awwww poor Michela she died because she started to be boring. Her body couldn’t handle it anymore.’ Cause of death? Boringitis… Oh god no…not her too!

So basically here’s the thing: ‘I will never be twenty again and from now on I won’t be able to get away with a lot of things as I’m going to be referred to as a ’30 year old woman’. *Shivers* FUCK YOU – I DON’T WANT YOUR TEARS OF PITTY.

That includes stuff like me eating yummy nutella straight from the jar while I’m sitting on the kitchen counter in my pyjamas, listening to Wasp. It’s like, there is a ‘fucked up, mean, boring, wrinkly, baby making, fat and responsible’ portal just right next to your bed on your 30^th birthday that sucks you whole when you jump out of bed and turns you into an incredibly dull and bitter individual. Suddenly you can cook, you avoid candy, you eat well, you stop watching silly shows, you stop listening to rock and metal, you have babies (even if you don’t want any, you have some just because!) you are well organised and you keep re-arranging the house, every month. You even do spring – cleaning and shit! And you do it properly, you vacuum under the rugs, you use all sort of different cleaning products just to be able to clean the shower and your lawn looks all green beautiful and most importantly alive….

Metallica with Lou Reed - The future looks scary

So I decided that NO! I’m not going to step into this portal! I will stay in bed that day and wait till Adam turns thirty and sacrifice him instead. Fuck this shit. I fucking refuse to step into that trap. I think more people need to know about this. Spread the word!

Hypatia's Horns

2011-08-23T23:08:00.003+10:00

I do love my books – so here’s what I’ve been reading lately

1) Horns – Joe Hill

What would you do if you wake up one morning with horns sticking out of your head? A little story about sympathy for the devil. I absolutely love Joe Hill’s writing (it does help that he likes very similar music as I do, and his books always include a ‘playlist’). Even better than his previous one (Heart Shaped Box). While I was reading it on the way back home from work I missed my stop….Worth it…

2) Does the noise in my head bother you? – Steven Tyler

Tyler is a natural writer and a life on the road is always entertaining… This time someone puked right beside me on the train (love you Melbourne), didn’t notice, till it was time for me to get off at my stop… (Fair enough I had music blasting through my headphones) My bag had a bit of puke and I was on my way to work…the book was good though….

3) Hypatia’s Feud - Nicholas Fourikis

A great novel about Hypatia, the greek astronomer/philosopher. Beautifully written by a scientist.

4) Darkly Dreaming Dexter

The book that inspired the TV series, pretty good – there is a great twist at the end.

Enjoy reading!

Back to Death

2011-08-17T16:30:00.000+10:00

I have spent so much time writing AND trying to come up with things to write about at the newspaper that I’m currently working at, that keeping up a blog seems like a torture….

However, I decided to consider this blog as my vacation. So don’t judge me about my grammar, syntactical errors and spelling, I really can’t be fucked.

So yeah after some research I got myself a sweet tattoo (well I think is sweet at least).

So after about 5 hours in total this is my tattoo.

It’s no secret that I absolutely love the character of ‘Death’ in Sandman comics.

So initially I had something like this in mind, and then it developed to what I ended up with on my shoulder.

Confessions of a ‘female’ metalhead…..

2011-06-06T23:37:00.004+10:00

“So understand Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years, Face up...make your stand, And realize you're living in the golden years.”

I still remember myself being around the age of fourteen listening to the radio and trying to record -using a pathetic little cassette player - “painkiller” by Judas Priest. Managed to record half of the song and then played it over and over again, absolutely mesmerised from Rob Halfords vocals. Like a true gay man he could get high pitched notes that no one ever could – that fact alone plus the video clip for “breaking the law” should have convinced people that rob doesn’t really quite fit the standard straight/brutal metal head stereotype…But apparently metal is not for the colourful at heart and until recently it wasn’t really for the girls…But I love being a female into a mans world.

By the time I hit sweet sixteen (there was nothing sweet about it I can assure you) – the sound of Metallica, Iron Maiden and occasionally Marilyn Manson’s “Antichrist Superstar” album was coming from my tiny stereo, driving my mother insane. Manson’s (along with many others) poster was initially on my wall in order to keep my parents out of the room and later on I started to actually kinda like this weird mans music and the whole “shocking value” videos…or I thought I did at least…

Like a true metal teenager I was obsessed with serial killers, horror films and authentic footage of real suicide/death scenes! I used to visit my local internet café along with my best mate Dimitra, in order to check out all the new gruesome photos on rotten.com plus I had printed an A4 picture of a shotgun suicide police scene and along with Manson – it was making my mum sick in her stomach….Bless!

I was about sixteen when I got to be to my first metal festival. Manowar, Sodom, Mercyful Fate and Megadeth. A greek metalheads – musical utopia. I was a mess, wearing black army trousers, a black oversized top, no make up and all the studded bracelets a person can wear (without having to worry (back then!) about leaving them behind due to security reasons... ) But I was damn excited, even though a tiny bit frightened as I was one of the VERY few girls at that metal festival and the greek metalheads are not a site for the weak at heart. Hairy, big dudes with bike chains – swinging them around while headbanging to sodom’s “Code red”.
The moshing made me lose my balance a few times and Manowars blatant sexism comments“And now we need a girl with really big tits to come on stage” made me roll my eyes and applause iron maidens attempt at “holy smoke” to make fun of these wanna be Viking, dressed in leather, bikers! I got a black eye that day but that didn’t scare me one bit – in the contrary – I was thirsty for more!

The concerts that changed my life include:

Sentenced - 2002 at Astoria London supporting “Lacuna coil”. The one and only. Me having a go at some greeks that were pushing us around trying to form a circle in a retarded attempt to headbang right in the middle of it (Yeah that’s awesome guys but who the hell headbangs and moshes to “no one there?”), being chatty with some Turkish girl and getting kicked in the face by some guy crowd surfing while LC were performing “Heavens a lie” Had to rush to the bar and drink my pain away…Good times…

Rammstein London 2001 – Oh come on. Guys with dildos and fire? That’s fucking cheap entertainment! Kinda made me feel like I was back in my island of mykonos..minus the fire…

Poisonblack supporting Lacuna coil in Portsmouth England: Just for the simple reason that I managed to get Ville’s guitar pick.

Iron Maiden Athens Greece 2008: Because it’s Maiden, it’s Eddy and that’s all!

Aerosmith Hyde Park London 2007: They are my favourite childhood band and the pure reason that I started listening to hard rock to begin with, and it goes without saying that Steven Tyler has an amazing vocal range. End of.

Rotting Christ at Bristol Academy 2005: Because I got a free pass, the gig was fantastic and Sakis still remains one of the friendliest and nicest guys in the metal scene.

Magic Circle Festival Germany Summer 2008: Alice Cooper plus Doro and big dudes with longhair from every single country in the world...there was no vegetarian food, but who the hell cares? My heart was full…Oh yeah and it was Manowars festival but that’s a small detail really…

During my late teenage years I have to honestly say that I was pretty much one of the most unattractive people on the planet. But I didn’t really give a fuck, and I actually thought I looked pretty good...(oh the shame….) Even the greek metalheads that are well known of being quite the misogynist type, included me in their little gangs, chatting away their misery and anger and I was pleasantly surprised that they thought of me as being one of the boys, while they were bitching about their girlfriends to me and making sure that I wasn’t getting pushed around in metal gigs. I was leaving the girls behind while I was at the front with the boys – often mistaken for a boy myself by other metalheads and after the first push they were being all apologetic and sweet “oh I’m so sorry sweetheart I thought you were a guy.”

My breakthrough at moshing came at a very unlikely rock gig when for some reason the band ‘Supergrass’ were involved in some hard rock festival in Athens. My ex-boyfriend and I were just hanging out when for some reason some of the people at the audience decided that they wanted to mosh to the sound of “Alright”. My boyfriend was a pretty tall big guy so when they realised that he wasn’t coming out of the way so easily, they decided to attack him - all six of them - by trying to push him out of the way, in order to form the infamous “greek metal circle”. I grabbed one of them; hang off him like a little monkey trying to rescue my boyfriend, when the guys’ Iron maiden t-shirt practically tore in half… The guy got pretty pissed off (it was pretty dark so he actually thought that I was a guy), I ran and hid behind some big guys at the back (and all of this drama happened during the song first lines “We are young, we are free we have teeth nice and clean”) and I only came out when my boyfriend was calling my name several minutes later. That’s when I realised that moshing wasn’t really my thing. I’m just going to be the one that headbangs and does the helicopter once in a while… at best….

Almost a decade has passed and I know more about metal, appreciate it more (ok brutal metal dudes piss off, if its not melodic enough and the vocals are not comprehensive enough – I don’t give a shit…I don’t like it and you cant persuade me to like it. And NO I still don’t like Immortal – I’m sorry!) And I have been to more gigs than the average metal dude BUT now I wear make up…and my clothes have a “sense” of style… I’m pretty sure that the metalheads now are aware that I’m a female, therefore I’m a lost cause really to their eyes…Don’t get me wrong I still have most of my piercings and my metal lifestyle (ha!) and all but I just look a tiny bit more girly. Something that in the metal scene is inexcusable. I do blame in a way Dimebag for the unmistakable look of the modern metalheads - big dudes with long hair, facial hair, wearing a metal shirt, along with the ‘all worn out jeans’ and a beer bottle at hand.

Suddenly on my late twenties I kinda got myself to the point of trying to prove to others that I don’t really fit to the category of “boobs-on-ur-face-wanna-be-metal-chick-that-pretends-that-she-has-a-very-large-penis-and-is-as-tough-as-the guys-while-she’s-trying-to-get-laid-with-the-lead-guitarist.” I’m in need of my large Paradise Lost t-shirt (yeah…remember some years ago that this crap didn’t use to come in girl sizes? Fucking fabulous stuff), my jeans and my metal dignity!

A couple of years ago I was travelling back to the UK from Greece with my sister, along with her husband and baby. I hadn’t slept the whole night, I had a screaming baby niece throughout my first flight and overall I was in a very bad state. My make up was smudged and my hair was all over the place, I was wearing my favourite leather jacket and I was about to pass through the Greek airport security, when a guy that worked there, announced to the other dudes after seeing me – “She’s one of my kind!” I turned around and saw this metal dude smiling at me. We started chatting and he asked me in how many gigs I had been that year, which ones were my favourite bands and went on saying ‘how lucky I was to travel around the world in order to see my favourite bands.’ After a small chat I waved goodbye to him and started entering my destination gate while he was shouting “up the irons! Up the horns!” I left Greece with a smile on my face and the horns sign guiding me throughout the customs and feeling like a million dollars even though I looked like half a buck. Got to love these crazy metal dudes!

Michela xxx

9 Things I have learned throughout the years

2011-06-06T22:48:00.004+10:00

1) Some people are just plain idiots, no matter what you say, no matter you do…they just are. That’s what makes life grant…

2) What is considered to be tragedy to one person, it can be everyday life to someone else, and the other way around.

3) It’s beautiful to keep on changing. Losing weight, gaining weight, having wrinkles, scars, losing hair…keep on changing. What makes us human is this eternal need to change. This is beauty.

4) I have met the people I wanted to meet.

5) My inner child is kicking and screaming every singe time I’m trying to be a responsible adult. Sometimes I manage to shut her up, sometimes I cant.

6) We are all scared shitless. Sometimes we manage to hide it, sometimes we get angry. Sometimes we laugh.

7) No matter how sure I am that I know myself pretty damn well, every single day I realise that I don’t.

8) In my early twenties I thought I could change the world and I loved to fight; now I love to be a part of the audience and let you have a go instead. I’m just munching on the popcorn…please show me what I couldn’t do….

9) A good sleep, a nice cup of coffee and a rainy day always cheer me up.

And Then There Were Fifteen....

2010-12-03T21:56:00.011+11:00

Adam suggested me to write about my top ten (I had to make it a top 15 eventually….) metal vocalists of all time. I just think that he wanted me to write something that he will be genuinely interested about and will be more than happy to read as he’s obsessed with his music and he’s not really an avid reader of anything else BUT music stuff, except maybe the occasional serial killer autobiography. It’s one of those things that I pretend to still listen to him after two hours of non-stop discussion about music and he pretends to take an active interest in my philosophical beliefs and creative writing…Isn’t love grand? However in this case, I’m more than happy to obey to his wishes….So here it goes…

15. Phil Anselmo (Pantera) A guy that is more famous about his drug addiction and the fall out with his fellow band-mate rather than his vocal capabilities…However his incredible vocals at “cemetery gates” managed to amaze me enough, for him to make it to my list…Often raw and heavy but at times poetic and smooth.

14. Peter Wagner (Rage) His vocals in the song “fading hours” (apparently he wrote the lyrics after having a bizarre dream) still haunt me after all these years…And Rage is a band that is ridiculously underrated…Need I say more?

13. Mikael Stanne (dark tranquillity) This guy can switch from a deep bellowing growl to a screeching, piercing scream…Plus he can be more melodic and harmonious than the beach boys…(aka ‘Projector’ album)

12. Johan Hegg (Amon Amarth) Melodic ‘viking’ death metal wouldn’t normally be my cup of tea, but this guy can do some pretty heavy vocals plus a very impressing “metal” choreography.

11. Blackie Lawless (W.A.S.P.) I absolutely love W.A.S.P. and Blackie’s husky voice is highly recognisable and unique. A musician in every sense of the word… Love him or hate him…but you can never really ignore him…

10. Tomi Joutsen (amorphis) The first time I saw Amorphis live, he astounded me by his remarkable stage presence and powerful voice. He makes other melodic death metal singers (shut up adam I know they are not death metal anymore! But what am I supposed to write? Progressive/ Doom/ death metal?) look like complete amateurs…you don’t think so? I do!

9. Chuck Schuldiner (death) Whoever can sing Painkiller that great is a semi-god to me… End of!

8.Cristina Scabbia (Lacuna Coil) Even though I prefer the old Lacuna coil (Halflife, Comalies, Unleashes Memories’) her voice never ceases to amaze me. It’s ‘full’, warm, powerful and she can easily do an oriental ‘twist’ (Karmacode) without missing a single note. Kudos to her!

7. Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden) Four words. ‘Run to the hills’. Can anyone top that? Yeah I didn’t think so…

6. Nick Holmes (paradise lost) I can still remember listening to ‘Forever Failure’ and having goose bumps. He's the singer in the most ridiculously underrated band of all time. Plus, he can do it all and still have an utterly bitter attitude. Metal!

5. Peter Steele (Type O’ Negative) He gave to all the self - proclaimed gothic singers a run for their money and he didn’t even consider himself to be goth. The world is not the same without him and a very big part of my teenage years died the day that he passed away.

4. Ville Laihiala (Sentenced, Poisonblack) He was the vocalist of my favourite band of all time. His depressive, hateful and sorrowfull vocals always managed to bring shivers down my spine. He can go from melodic (despair ridden hearts) to powerful (noose) without missing a bit.

3. Ronnie James Dio (Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Heaven & Hell, etc) THE metal god. No explanation is necessary…

2. Rob Halford (Judas priest) He showed to all the homophobic metal heads what metal is all about. He can do it all but he excels in the ‘falsetto’ (dream deceiver). He never fails to amaze me.

1. Jorn Lande (Masterplan, Millenium) Jorn has the voice of a Greek god! Melodic, powerful, warm, beautiful, full of despair, unique, dark ….the list could go on and on… That’s what the whole “gazing into the abyss” that Nietzsche was on about, must feel like…

The tiramisu chronicles

2010-11-26T16:25:00.003+11:00

Desperate times call for desperate measures…After spending about 7 to 8 months unemployed and living with my partner I decided that it was time for me to at least try and using “the other room”, most commonly known by other mortals as “the kitchen”, in order for me to save some money and fill my spare time doing something constructive. From previous attempts I was aware that I really sucked at it. To make it clear…For Australian standards I’m kinda alright…for Mediterranean standards I’m a disgrace to my country and people and I deserve to be stoned to death by angry souvlaki makers. Why? I don’t know it just seems appropriate enough. So, no, I don’t have it in me, but I can somehow make a decent meal without burning the house down. And that for me it’s a miracle alone!

I don’t do housekeeping, however due to my OCD I need to clean regularly the toilet and the bathroom along with doing the dishes….other than that I clean the house thoroughly like once a week or maybe once in ten days…Coming from a culture that housekeeping comes naturally to every single female, I preferred doing more manly jobs, like changing the broken light bulb and taking out the rubbish. However recently I realised I’m not really as bad as I thought I was…

It took me some time to realise that housekeeping is one of the things that some people enjoy to over estimate themselves at. Like for example pretending that are 2- 3 inches taller and weigh 5-7 kilos less than they actually do. It’s one of those things that some individuals lie about without even thinking. Throughout my life I had been brutally honest…I was a slob…or maybe I was raised to believe I was one…Either way I did consider cheese on toast to be cooking…

As I’m a sucker for Italian desserts, (especially panna cotta and tiramisu) I decided to try my luck in actually making tiramisu out of scratch… because I’m that hardcore! I did my research and then I decided to follow this guy’s youtube blog http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Lxr5jPGxG8 recipe.

I didn’t have a professional mixer so I managed to fuck up the meringue big time as I was trying to mix the eggs with a cute little one that I normally use in order to make my frappe coffee…I had a bit of a break as I handed the whisk over to Adam, hoping for the best…The end result was a creamy watery failure; however I decided to add it to the rest of the mixture with the determination of a Spartan, taking proud to the fact that even though its going to be a piece of crap at least it’s going to be a “homemade” piece of crap…

I poured a fair amount of baileys in an espresso cup and I started dipping the lady fingers while I was cursing my luck for not buying whipped cream and having way too much faith in my self to actually think that I would turn to Martha Stewart overnight and make the perfect meringue without the help of a professional mixer…I put my watery, creamy, oversugary,overcocoay excuse of dessert in the fridge to set, and watched the big four DVD with Adam as we were about to give a different meaning to the whole “tonight we dine in hell” thingy… (this post wouldn’t be the same without this quote)

Four hours later I made the brave decision to try it, hoping that the amount of sugar that I added to the mix (it was all watery so I was trying to make it a bit more mousse like…so I kept adding sugar….a whole kilo of it – seriously!) wouldn’t give me diabetes.. It was too sweet and a bit watery…but it wasn’t that bad…As long as it was edible…it was good for me!

My second attempt was a big success as I ditched the meringue for whipped cream and the result was better than sex. So yeah there you go, miracles do happen and if I can actually make a decent dessert then everybody can. And yes my life is so sad at the moment that I do write a blog about it. Praise me!

"don’t touch my junk!"

2010-11-20T14:43:00.008+11:00

Recently there has been a lot of speculation about the forms of security that take place at airports. Each air traveller has two choices: either scan with nude-invoking photo-imaging or a hands-on pat-down with what some consider law-breaking groping and feeling. The choice is yours… Apparently 4 out of 5 Americans agree with the current safety laws - adding that body search is much more preferred than getting “blown up” in mid – air, in case a terrorist manages to slip inside the plane. A recent example would be the Nigerian man that boarded a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit on Christmas day last year. Despite the security measures, he managed to enter the plane and if everything went according to his plan, the trip would end up in a terrible tragedy. However, a brief flame and a few self inflicted third degree burns later proved to his fellow passengers that there is a Santa after all…. And all of them had been pretty good that year….

Opinions vary… Some people like John Tyner, the “famous” blogger, that his phrase “don’t touch my junk” has become an overnight sensation argue that security measures at the airports have become invasive and ridiculously “intimate”. As his wife put it “in some cultures I would be married to my screener by now”. Others agree blindly to whatever suggestions the government may make as the fear of sitting next to a potential terrorist (or facing a big fine) is greater than be exposed or groped and felt while dozens of passengers plus the airport stuff get to watch. After all, money may make the world go round but fear makes the world stand still anticipating for further instructions…

As a regular traveller I always take airport security very seriously making sure that I don’t carry more than 100 ml of liquids in my hand luggage, removing my shoes and coat before passing through the metal detector, answering all the necessary questions with a smile (even though in some countries the airport stuff is very intimidating and use many “fishing” methods) and I’m open to any kind of necessary body search or luggage search as it’s for my own security. However it is a well known fact that the potential terrorists are always a step ahead of the safety measures. I don’t know about you, but I’m not willing to go through a virtual colonoscopy (u don’t know what it is? Google it! ) Just because some guy decided to put some explosive material up his anal passage…. Because if you think that the scans are the worst thing that can happen you are sadly mistaken. A couple of years ago I was joking around with my mates stating that with the security measures and all, we will eventually have to board the plane wearing nothing but our underwear. Now that statement doesn’t seem that funny after all the recent measures. I’m always concerned about my socks before going to the airport as I’m always managing to wear the most ridiculous child-like socks(see attached picture), and that goes against to my hardcore metal persona (ha!). However, with all the latest security methods my socks would be the least of my concerns….

Furthermore countries like Israel face incredible terrorism odds on a daily basis but they do not subscribe to this type of security. There are different and far better ways to counter terrorist realities. Israel uses them with great success and Rafi Sela, an Israeli airport security expert, has characterized scanning devices as “worthless”: “I don’t know why everybody is running to buy these expensive and useless machines. I can overcome the body scanners with enough explosives to bring down a Boeing 747,” Rafi Sela told parliamentarians probing the state of aviation safety in Canada.“That’s why we haven’t put them in our airport,” Sela said, referring to Tel Aviv’s Ben Gurion International Airport, which has some of the toughest security in the world. […] Sounds interesting huh?

To conclude, how much are you willing to take before boarding a plane? Just because of the fact that you “chose” to travel, does that very thing alone give the right to the airport stuff to treat you like a potential suicide bomber? Is there a line that people shouldn’t cross? Is the feeling of utter fear greater than decent human dignity? I guess every single person has to deal with their own ‘baggage’. Check it in or leave it behind...

Mickey xxx

scrabble time!

2010-11-20T00:07:00.003+11:00

The internet is a magical place indeed, you can book cheap tickets for your ideal destination (I know I do, I can’t remember the last time I went to a travelling agency, however I can remember pointing at the windows of quite a few “oh my god guys, Majorca looks great! Lets go back home and google it!”), download some of your favourite music for free (I need a hard disc in the size of a small pet elephant at the moment as I have decided that I wont be content if I don’t get to have at least 300 gigs of music files….At the moment I have just 120 which is pathetic…) while you are trying to get rid all the pop up windows that insist that you should give them a click and stop worrying about your penis size or the fact that you are 20 years old and you weigh 250 kilos. Don’t you know that internet is your ultimate salvation? You didn’t know? Then thank god you are reading this so I can remind you that at the moment most of our most valued members of our society have a very large penis and are a size 00. The person with the largest penis should throw the first stone indeed….

Chain letters. Damn….That poor baby that seems to have cancer for 12 years now and will live longer than most of us (they haven’t even bothered to change the picture….), the well known fact that facebook, myspace, hotmail and myasss mail is trying to figure out who is ACTUALLY using their accounts, so please forward this to everyone in your friend list so their profile wont be deleted…And we shouldn’t forget about forwarding everything that comes to our inbox to at least 2.500 people in your list so that you will have a fantastic love life (I have calculated that I need at least 3 life times to get rid of all the bad luck that these chain letters have given me. So in the year 2367 I will be able to live happily ever after….) will not die from a horrible disease and what it follows next is the testimonies of the people that actually DIDN’T forward it and ended up in the nut house, were attacked by a small pterodactyls, all their family died, woke up in the morning and had three heads….and …”this actually works, click and see. Send it to everyone and a big tattooed penis with the name of your crush will pop up on your screen”.

However If the actual stuff is funny or sweet (not too sweet I have a sensitive stomach and seems to detest too much sentimental crap) I’m happy to read it or to send it forward. It’s all about passing the loveeeeeee. If they are tacky and idiotic it makes me want to chase with a chainsaw the “angel of luck” and turn the “traveller bear” into a suicide bomber. In the meantime while people are too busy sending everyone their “good luck” and so on, the person or the machine that created the chain letter is giving you a great amount of spyware In your pc and fills up your cookies with crap and then you wonder why you have so much junk mail lately. I had to learn that fact the hard way as I had to block all my ingoing mail except from the people that already had in my contact list. Or else I would wake up; check my email and realising I had 155 new messages…Bliss…

Ps. If you send this to 10 people in your mail list I will show up and punch you in the face. Send it to 20 people and I’ll show up and chase you with a lynx body spray (i dont know why, just because?), 30 people: I will show up along with the pterodactylus I mentioned above and I will play scrabble with you.

See ya then,

Mickey xxx